An honest life

"Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God." (1 Corinthians 4:5)

Last month LIV hosted a breakfast for local church leaders and pastors called The Lord's Table. Filter coffee. Bacon and egg rolls. And an opportunity to worship, and pray for our country.

But it was during the gathering that God gave me a vision that I've come to see as encapsulating my time at LIV. I saw the village as a sort of floodlight. It was a bright, blinding white light that shines through people who come to LIV, spotlighting what's on the inside - their "inner man". It was exposing and it was purifying.

This vision helped me realize that LIV has been the place through which God has shone His light on my inner life. My thoughts. My will. My hopes and dreams. My intentions and motives. The purity of my heart. Here, in a place devoid of pretence and where I am seeing just how gritty real (biblical) love is, I am stripped of my naivety and any false sense of refuge (like I wrote about in one of my earlier updates). Here, where God’s light is shining on the true condition of my heart, I am becoming increasingly aware of what makes life honest.  

LIV is an honest place – home to an honest (albeit imperfect) people; home to everyday examples of honest living.

One example that comes to mind are the Tuesday and Thursday nights on the village. From 7-9pm the “ekklesia” of the village (that includes the staff and volunteers) gather in Abba’s Lounge (one of the ECD classrooms). There is no tea or coffee. No biscuits. Just ourselves, our Bibles and one agenda: prayer. We pray for each other. We read scripture together. We intercede for the children. It is sincere and unshowy. It is simply biblical. And the fact that we pray and intercede in the darkness of the night speaks to the significance of the evenings. Like Matthew 6:6 says, “But you, when you pray, enter into your private room, and shut your door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will repay you”.

An honest life, as I have come to realize from the past 5 months’ worth of Tuesdays and Thursdays, is one that is hidden. For it is lived only for an audience of One. I think a large part of it also comes down to the fact that I can’t (and might not ever really) be able to explain life at LIV. My time, growth and experience here will probably remain hidden, too. But God sees. And I am encouraged in Hebrews 4:13 that says “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.”

Another example that has stayed with me is how we love the kids on the village.

For instance, part of our orientation right at the start of the program we were told that the kids aren’t allowed to sit on our laps, and that we should avoid picking them up. This sounds cold and unloving. But it is actually honouring. Because, if I am honest with myself, I let them sit on my lap and I pick them up because it makes me feel good. It fulfils a need for me, rather than for them. So, having these certain boundaries in place when engaging and interacting with the children prompt me to confront my own intentions: Am I doing this because it makes me feel and look good? Did I say those words to be kind, or just to be funny or right? Is this the best thing for them in the long run, or just selfish for me in the moment?

Is my ‘why’ pure, honest and loving?

In a similar way, Oksana gave me wise advice about loving the youth: “They don’t have to like you for you to love them.” So, I don’t base my love for the children on the fruit of their lives. My care for them is not dependent on whether they acknowledge me, the moods they’re in or the words they use. This is honest living because its true motive is a self-giving love that, according to 1 Corinthians 10:24, seeks the good of others, not my own good.

After some inspiration, I recently decided to study 1 Corinthians (hence all my references from the epistle!). I am stirred by Paul’s words when he says in chapter 3 that we are “co-workers in God’s service”, and that we “should build with care”. He continues to say that we build on the foundation Jesus has already laid, and that the quality of our work and whatever materials we use (“gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw”) “will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light.”

The work that will stand are the things done with pure motives. In love. With care.

I’m not saying that life and everyone here at LIV is perfect. Far from it. But again, it’s being honest about our weak spots and struggle with sin. Living in the Light is as much about the transparency of our faults and flaws as it is our pursuit and practice of purity and holiness. There’s a reason why Jesus said, “narrow is the way”. Laying down your life is tough. Loving is messy. But I’d rather have an honest life, though unglamorous and hidden, than a perfectly curated one of stagnant comfort, empty beauty and convenient love.